I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
