Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
