apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
