I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
