He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
