I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
