I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
