Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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