i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
