The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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