Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
