there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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