worst night to have a conscience
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
