My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
