Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
