Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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