On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
