I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
