I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
