Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
