New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
