There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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