Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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