why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
