Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
