So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
