I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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