Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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