i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
