I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
