is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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