you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
