Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
