yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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