I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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