I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize