Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
