I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
