Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
