it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize