you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
