May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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