of course. lets lasso hookers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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