weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am available for nakedness
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
