It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
