But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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