I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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