u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
