just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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