goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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