I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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