you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
