I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
