I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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