Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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