Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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