I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
