then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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