all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
