I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
