awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
