I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
