are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
