I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
