i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
