I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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