at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
