And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
