Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
