dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
