She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize