all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
